March 3, 2011
March 22, 2010
Image by netdog
She had always been bit of a loner. In some ways it was because she had chosen to, in others because she had failed to find friends.
That changed when she came across a red-haired girl when she still was very little. They became the best of friends and spent all their time together.
But for a loner such a blessing may sometimes turn bitter, and she found that she needed some time for herself. Foolishly, young as she was, she believed she had grown tired of her very best friend.
She ended their friendship.
Not long thereafter she changed her mind. She could see her best friend walk through the same corridors as she did in their new school, and she missed her. But she was too embarrassed about her former rejection that she dared not apologise.
When three years had passed she had found the strength she had lacked and spoke to her friend again, saying that she missed her and desired to go back to the way they were.
Her friend only laughed and said that it was too late for that, and that she did not desire to ever be spoken to again.
The girl walked away from her former red-haired friend, not desiring to admit she had broken down in tears.
More time passed, and the girl reproached herself for the folly that had robbed her of her first friend in life. Sometimes she could see her red-haired friend walk past in the distance, reminding her of the mistake she had committed.
Such regrets never fade, continuously being stirred to the surface by reminders that it was a mistake easily prevented. A decade later, it still hurt.
January 23, 2010
If only freedom was less of a notion unreal,
Oh, how delighted I would be!
I am not foreign to studies, in fact, I adore to read and learn new things; I love the fulfilling sensation to have my eyes opened by novel insights. I do however loathe to study subjects that interest me little, or not at all, as life is too precious to be allowed to go to such waste.
I understand that chemistry is one of the corner stones of science, but as a person whose interests forever shall be enamoured by the theoretical nature of science — which once upon a time was labelled “natural philosophy” — I find the act of studying it a chore best avoided.
I need to say I desire to help push the frontiers of science forward, for nothing less is expected of me. What my heart truly desires, I cannot allow to cross my lips. It’s a notion so foreign it is best silenced; tucked away in the jewelled box of my mind where I keep my most treasured secrets.
Still, as I force myself to study subjects that fail to appeal to my curiosity — by imposing alien restrains upon my own being — I find my mind floating into the vacuum of delight that unsatisfying discoveries create; I find my gaze abandoning the print on the pages to soar into the skies, into my own little world where my mind can be free.
January 2, 2010
Although I started 2009 with blogging quite frequently, my posts grew fewer and farther apart for each passing month until they completely ceased. This was not really what I had intended would happen, but life can be quite unpredictable–as I am certain most understand.
Last year was quite a milestone for me, with both ups and down–2009 offered me both the best and worst experiences of my life this far!
The year started with my application for undergraduate study being rejected by the University of Cambridge, but once the initial blow had subsided, I realised that it was all for the best as I therefore would go to London.
Having struggled through spring and summer half-heartedly and battling severe melancholia, I then went to London.
I was enamoured by the city from the very first moment. People warned me that it was all consistent with the honeymoon-syndrome and that reality soon would catch up with me. It never did, much to my surprise. My infatuation was instead replaced with a deep affection for the country.
This made me realise that I had been right all along believing that an allocation would do me much good, and I intend to remain in the United Kingdom indefinitely. It is all I ever wished for it to be, only better. If I only escape isolation and find happiness, I cannot wish for anything more.
The allocation did however also have its downsides.
The first year of the course which I studied mostly consists of subjects I believed I had left in the past, and to study chemistry and thermodynamics has done me little good. Hopefully those subjects shall not bother me for a few months now–not until the exams are to be written.
Housing in London is also deplorable. My folly knew no limits when I believed that the standards would be the same in Stockholm and London alike. I only laugh now, having learnt the extent of my mistake the hard way as I went from staying with friends to being homeless, navigating between hotels a few days at a time.
I shall never forget how I pulled two heavy suitcases across the streets of London one very late evening, my body wishing nothing more than to collapse, my mind however musing that I had hit rock bottom and only could go up from there. It was true.
I am now a week away from moving to a town outside London, and I am certain it shall prove delightful as the apartment is all a student on a budget could ever wish for, making the distance to the university well-worth the long commute.
I have great hopes for 2010, and I hope that it also shall allow me to return to the world of blogging, one short post at a time.
July 14, 2009
In summer I travel to the most pleasing of places; a tongue of land in the vast sea upon which the winds are allowed to roam as freely as they desire, chasing the clouds away with their gentle whispers. The sun always shines in the paradise of my summers; a sparkling orb upon a cornflower blue sky, the sea applauding its daily performance from below.
As I wander barefoot by the velvet water’s edge my feet are kissed by the white-lipped waves, my song having broken the silence that has reigned for so long. Gazing into to hazy distance, above which cotton-clouds are floating past, I can see a hint of land by the horizon, and when darkness falls the shimmer of a city aglow can only barely be perceived. My summer’s paradise allows one to escape civilisation and reality to simply live and be alive by the ocean’s edge.
The beach is scattered with limestone, its tint blue, as if it paid tribute to the sky that warms it, and the ocean which has birthed it. As my bare feet, one after another, slowly are placed upon the surface of the smooth stones, they sing melodiously, their structure so fine, so fair! Sometimes, when the winds play with my long hair and the ocean sprinkles my face, I believe that I can fly.
One day, as I wandered upon my own horizon, my gaze wandered to the surface which supported me. My eyes’ journey was rewarded by the most beautiful of blessings; a shard of time itself. A stone in the shape of a shell lay before my feet, its organic origin now mineralised into limestone. It laid warm and smooth upon the palm of my hand.
My treasure and forever companion ever since is half a billion years of age, spared from the tooth of time for an eternity, it seems. What a fortunate cosmic coincidence it was that allowed me to encounter this treasure by chance alone!
This small piece of eternity is now mine to always caress.